Last night, I lay in bed for some time in that state between sleeping and waking. As I was doing so, I felt a cat jump up on my bed and begin to walk around. I knew it was probably one of the other cats, but I let myself indulge in the idea that it was my cat, that she was still alive. I felt the anonymous feline walk over my legs and onto my back where it curled up. This further enforced my little daydream as my cat used to sleep there all the time, and the warm weight curled on the small of my back was comforting.
After laying there for a few minutes, it got up and made it's way to my head, where it laid down on the pillows. (Again, just as my cat always used to do.) Unable to restrain myself, I lifted my head and opened my eyes, curious as to which cat had decided to keep me company.
There was nothing there, and the door was closed, so none of the cats could have gotten into my room in the first place.
Puzzled, I finally drifted off to sleep.
In my dream, I woke up. It was morning, and I got out of bed to go upstairs. As I crossed the room, I saw my cat curled up by the door, watching me. It was as if she was still alive, and her death had been nothing more than a bad dream. I reached down to pet her, and realized as I stroked her fur that this wasn't real. That's when I really woke up.
I wonder... did her spirit really come to visit me last night? Or was it just my unconscious mind playing tricks on me? I want, desperately, to believe that it was the former, but I can never shake the fear that life is merely a fluke, nothing more than some chemical reactions within our brains, and that there is nothing more. I can never decide if I believe in the existence of souls and an afterlife because it truly exists, or because I am deluding myself to avoid the truth.
I suppose I'll find out some day... Although whatever happens, I hope I'll get to see my kitty again.