I'm pathetic

[piasharn]

I think my cat is dying.

I noticed some time ago that she was getting thinner, but I didn't think too much of it. Her weight has fluxuated a bit over the past few years, often because of hairballs or stomach bugs. Besides, I keep her food in the bathroom down the hall, and all of the cats tend to munch on it, so I didn't really notice if she was eating or not. Once she started to loose more weight, I brought the food dish into my room to moniter her more.

She hasn't been eating at all, and I rarely saw her drinking either. You don't really notice the weight loss just by looking at her, because her fur is so thick, but whenever I pet her, it becomes obvious just how boney she has gotten.

Horribly worried, I called the vet and managed to squeeze an appointment in the other day. Despite the weight loss (she's down to nine pounds, and she's not a small cat) her colour is still good. So, the vet told me that it was probably one of two things.

The first is an intestinal virus. He gave her a shot for that, and told me that if this was the case, I should see some definite improvement in her in the next couple of days.

Sadly, she still isn't eating, which means that it is most likely the second thing... her kidneys are failing. If this is the case, then there is nothing more we can do for her. I'm bringing her in tomorrow to see if we can do some tests and find out if this is the case. (And if I'll have to put her down.)

I've been crying on and off for the past few days. I know it's selfish of me, but I'm going to miss her so much... She's 17 years old right now, and I've had her since she was six months... I was five. She's been with me for most of my life, and she's been my support through the years.

She is, in all honesty, my best friend in the world.

When everyone else stabbed me in the back, left me or died, she was always there. She has always loved me unconditionally. She has been my shoulder to cry on, an audience to my hopes and fears and anger, a confident who never betrayed my secrets.

(Great, I've started crying again. Please pardon any spelling and/or grammatical mistakes from here on; I can't see the screen very well at the moment.)

I know it's pathetic of me... she's just a cat, right? But... she's been so much more to me than just that over the years. I love her so much, I really do. And now she's dying right in front of my eyes and there's nothing I can do. The only friend I have left is leaving me.

I know death is a natural part of life. I knew this would happen eventually. I know I should just accept it and let her go in peace.

But why does it have to hurt so much?

Comments

[ex-jynx84.livejournal.com]

*HUG* I'm so sorry! I hope everything works out for the best. it's not pathetic to feel that way at all. I understand completely how attached one can get to an animal...and I feel even weirder about it, because all I've got is a gecko! and she's definitely getting on in years. I'm here if you need anyone to talk to. *HUG*

[sakuraigirl.livejournal.com]

It's not pathetic at all. Especially when you've had her for as long as you had. I know I cried more when my dogs died than when my grandma passed way, I grew up with my pets... moving around so much as a kid I hardly knew my grandma.

I'm sorry. ;______;

[orchydconstyne.livejournal.com]

*hugs* We put Brandy down over 2 years ago now... We had him for 14 years and he just... couldn't go on. I loved that dog and it still hurts like hell sometimes. Like now. Other times I look at Dusk, who will be 6 in December (and I know he will only live to be 8 or 9) and know that that horrible decision will be on us before we know it.

I have a newspaper clipping on my wall, always reminding me of why I would put anyone of the 12 pets I own to sleep:

On discussing an elderly man and having to let his 12 year old dog go...

"And he would do right by her.

Even if it broke his heart."

Now I'm crying. *laughs sadly* When we finally let Brandy go and the house was silent... I felt like 14 years had passed in a blink of an eye... it just was not long enough...

*sniffles* But then again, it never is, is it?

[irksnapple.livejournal.com]

No cat is just a cat, and it is perfectly natural to mourn what you love. In fact, it's much better to be open about that loss than to clam it up or say it's silly.

If the worst does happen, there's nothing I can say that will make it allright. But I do know from experience that it will get better, and you will never forget.